Release....aaaaaah.

Plava is in bed - quiet, after a whopping 5 minutes of chatter and nap time tactics (both mine and hers) and I'm absolutely thrilled. I shouldn't speak so soon, because you never know what could happen, but what a relief.

In the past few months our star sleeper has gone from "angel at bedtime", going down without a hitch, to a See-If-You-Can-Make-Me twerp. Any of you who have had toddlers may have met this stubborn being that overtakes our sweet children at bedtime. From "mama, read books to me?" to "BUT I DON'T WANT TO LIE DOWN!!!" is a striking enough shift to make me think that my child is borderline bipolar.

HOWEVER, this is toddlerhood. Sigh.

I can't really mope about it much. We've had a great second year with her sleeping. From the time we decided to toughen up a little with our bedtime tactics it has been smooth sailing with very few bumps in the road.

I just can't express enough how often I feel at a total loss through these toddler days. Throughout the baby year, I felt fairly confident that I could handle the various challenges - even the sleep deprivation and other such challenges. Somehow the phrase, "this too shall pass" was so believable then.

What is it about toddlerhood that makes me NOT believe that? What is it that leaves me with questions and an utterly blank mind when it comes to tackling the latest challenge? Is it the speed at which these challenges are hurled at me? Maybe. Is it the size of the challenges compared to what I've dealt with before? Could be. Is it the firm, unswerving will of my little daughter that leaves me whimpering in the corner? Um, yeah. That could be it too.

Okay, that's an exaggeration. I never whimper in the corner. She hasn't even ever made me cry. That's surprising, actually.

I HAVE, however, absolutely lost it and flown into a rage. It's happened more times than I can count. That is something that I need to keep myself guarded against. There is nothing like that feeling of utterly letting go and being SO MAD THAT I WANT TO THROW HER OUT THE WINDOW.

Awful, I know.

I am starting to read a book on toddlerhood - kind of a humorous book written to make you sit back and laugh at it all - and there was a great comment right near the beginning.

"In hindsight, toddlerhood wasn't such a big deal."

Something about this, and the explanation that followed, was really refreshing to me. It sort of took some of the weight off and released some of the pressure. It's so easy to think that every moment of every day and each battle that's fought and lesson that's taught (didn't even mean to make that rhyme!) is going to bear huge consequences later in the child's life. That's right - if I don't teach her the right thing just in the right way, she'll fail to be a full person.

When did I start thinking along those lines? Didn't I once consider myself laid-back? Wasn't I an easy-going person? What's with all the intensity here?

It's time for me to relax, people! Plava is still a really great kid! Yes, she's challenging us, and pushing the envelope, and having melt-downs, but does EVERY battle have to be fought? Isn't it better to focus on the really big things and let other little things go? I think so.

So there we have it. I will try and remember that. Here's to trying to take a more relaxed approach to things. Aaaah, I feel better already.