birds of a feather?

How is it that when suddenly I have two children to take care of, I find the time to write on my blog? Maybe it's that I'm more inspired. I certainly feel like I have more to talk about, even if it's just about kids. Kids are good, right? Yay kids!

I can't believe Pito is already 6 weeks old. WHERE did the time go? How is it that my wee little baby isn't even a newborn anymore? I am left dumbfounded. Is this what they mean when they say, "...it goes by so fast..."? I constantly heard that during Plava's first months and years, and although it felt like she had grown a lot in such a short time, I felt like I had really experienced every moment of it. It didn't feel like it flew by, as such. But this time, at least so far, wow. Pito is wide awake sometimes, smiling up a storm, cooing and chattering away to us, and almost giving us glimpses of laughter. (Quite the contrast against a few days ago...)

Plava, she's doing great. I don't know if it's the arrival of Pito that's done it, but we're just loving her extravagantly these days too. She's such a character. Full of stories and questions and requests and "I LOVE YOU!!!"s and giggles and funny faces. Although she has her moments, she's really doing alright with the changes that have taken place. Her moments of difficulty seem fairly quick to dissipate, and I'm left with a feeling of thankfulness that I've had such a nice time of it so far.

An evening snuggle with Dada - I had to draw a shirt on naked Plava. :)

This is still the beginning, of course. Pito is bound to come more alive in the coming weeks and months, and I'm starting to see that the predictions were true - she is quite a bit more active and boisterous than her big sister was. While Plava was laid back, happy to sit and watch whatever was going on, munching on her hands or soother, Pito is quick to shout out a screechy scream as soon as she's unhappy. That was how she woke me up this morning (...and Plava....ahem.) and as quickly as I jumped up and said, "What the heck...?" I chuckled and looked down at the baby lying beside me and said, "My goodness, Pito. What a voice you have on you."

While Plava was a sweet snuggler, happy to nestle into the warm bodies holding her and gaze up into smiling faces, Pito is itching to look around, can already hold her head up like the best of them, and bops it again and again against our chests until we turn her around and let her see a little more of what's going on. I tried her out in the Baby Bjorn last night, not facing in like a newborn, but facing out, and she smiled and cooed the whole time. Hilarious.


You know, I used to cringe at the idea of comparing kids. I still do in some respects. But I suppose that some comparing is inevitable. It's just so amazing to see what is different and what is the same about these two girls. I try not to compare verbally too much, especially talking better of one type of kid than another, but it really is neat to see who this little Pito is becoming.

It struck me today as I was looking at Pito, Plava fast asleep upstairs, that as a parent of one child, it's so easy to pin your identity on that one child. When I had only Plava, although I knew it wasn't true, part of me always thought, "This is the kind of child I make." It's as if she was a reflection of me, how I parented, and how good or bad a job I did teaching and mothering her.

Now, with Pito in the picture, I'm able to really see what I knew in my brain. These kids are born themselves. They are who they are. My identity isn't wrapped up in them at all. Their behavior may be a small reflection on Ryan and I when they're older, but each child still learns and processes things at their own pace so even that is difficult to say.

The thing that I find relieving about it all, though, is that the heaviness is gone. I do not make my children. They are already made - little people in their own right. I simply have to guide them through life, love them and care for them during these young years, release them when they need to be released (Oh, I have so much to learn in that area!!!), and be the best mother I can be through it all.

Here's to the freedom then! Here's to not pinning my identity on my children, and to allowing them to be who they are without squashing them, and without feeling utterly responsible for their faults. Can I hear an "amen"?