the FIRST day

Plava is officially a preschooler. I can hardly believe it. I'm sitting on my computer, Pito asleep in her crib upstairs, having just left Plava in the hands of her teachers for the very first time.

I'm freaked out.

I'm not sure who this is more significant for - Plava or Ryan and I! We've been prepping her for months, talking through the scenario, explaining what she'll do and eat and learn, and getting her all her supplies. Plava, of course, is a very timid little thing, but as the past year has progressed we've seen her come out of her shell slowly and now that she's 3, she's more confident than ever!
She has known all along that when she turned three she would get to go to preschool. This was a source of a lot of excitement! What would she do there? Paint? Draw? Play with toys? Eat snacks? All these things were exciting!!

On Friday we went to the preschool's open house for families. We talked this up like it was her first day. This would be the day that our whole family would be there with her. Then on her SECOND day of preschool, she would be a big brave girl and be there with the other kids but not her parents.
Friday went wonderfully! Knowing Plava, we expected her to be clinging to us the whole time, but she didn't! She actually played and had fun and saw all the other kids and even (gasp) talked to one or two of them! We were so impressed! Day two would be that much easier!

In the days between Friday and today (Monday), she seemed to take huge steps in bravery. She was throwing herself down "big tall slides" whereas before she'd shy away. She was talking to people and asking them questions rather than begging me to talk for her. It was really amazing! What confidence could be gained by just one morning at her preschool and building her up as a big brave girl!

This morning, I expected it to be hard. I knew that when I said I was going to leave, she would be scared.

Leading up to that point couldn't have been smoother, thankfully. She was excited, chattery, talked the whole way there, and even marched in the door and got her inside shoes on with very little coaxing! She hung her little pink backpack on her special hook and walked into the room. I told her what would be happening, and that she could find a book to read or a puzzle to play with until it was time to start, and she smiled at me and said, in a very brave voice, "Okay Mama! I'll have fun today!". Her eyes were wide and you could feel the courage swelling in her. I was amazed and so proud. I said goodbye and promised to be back soon to pick her up. She smiled and waved, and then ran and gave me a big hug.

I walked out, a slight teary feeling overcoming me, feeling overwhelmed with pride, sadness at saying goodbye, relief that she had been so brave, and bursting with love for my little Plava.

I had just buckled Pito into her carseat and was coming around to my side when Plava burst out of the doors calling, "Mama noooo!!!"

This was like that point in the movies where there's beautiful, inspirational music playing and then suddenly, like someone is ripping the needle off the record, it jolts to a halt. My wet eyes dried up and I re-prepped myself for what I had been prepping myself for all along. The loving, caring, gentle, but tough mom who would need to gently push her into preschool.

I went back in with her and re-explained how things worked. She recoiled. I tried to show her some toys, some other toys, explained it again, told her how Pito needed diapers and I had to go to the store (true), explained it again, and let her know that this was her time to be brave.

It took about 20 minutes before she loosened up. She saw the playdough that was out on the table for the kids and decided she would try it out. I walked over with her, at the same time as her teacher came over as well (a friend of mine, who happens to be EXCELLENT with kids). I let her play with it for a few minutes and then told her again that I would be going to the store now and would come back and get her soon. I heard a quiet, "okay" and BOOKED IT OUT OF THERE.

And now, here I sit at home. My cellphone died on the way home so I didn't want to go to the store. I came home, put Pito to bed, plugged in my phone, and started this post to get all of this off my chest.

As I sit here, I am praying that she's doing okay. I am praying that she's not crying in her teacher's arms. I am praying that she's actually having fun and that when I go and pick her up that she'll be happy and excited about all that she did today. I'm hoping that Wednesday is easier.
So that's today. Plava's first day. My first day. It's a whole new world, and it's a little frightening.