.....@#(*%^(@#*&$....

Okay, that title was a slight bit more harsh than I intended, but it actually makes me feel a little nostalgic. I used to read a LOT of Archie comics as a kid, and I always remember when they'd get mad they'd use that garble. Aaaah, yes. But look at me, only a few sentences in and I've already lost my train of thought.

Oh yes.

I am quite overwhelmed. I am quite tired, and yet not. I am quite busy. I really quite think there must be a better word to use than "busy" - it just doesn't seem to capture just how much I have placed on my weeeeee little plate.

May I expand on that last sentence? Even just for me to get it off my chest?

I am trying to start up a business (as you may know) producing and selling baby slings. As I'm doing this, I'm actually already getting orders. I'm also setting up a website for myself (something I've never done and am learning as I go). I am also designing and ordering postcard ads to distribute. This is all very exciting, and all very consuming.

I am also painting. I have completed three commissions now, and have four more to do. Commissions have a tendency to be stressful mainly because I worry that the people won't like what I'm painting. Not only that, but I worry that they're stressed because maybe they won't like what I'm painting!! Ack! That said, I love painting, and I love it when people love my work. I love seeing my work on people's walls, and seeing it add a new dimension to a room. So, I'm painting.

I am also working. I work part-time for my church as an administrative assistant. This takes up two evenings of my week, plus a full morning meeting once a week. Not only am I doing admin, but I also do about 1/2 of the music planning and leading on Sunday mornings. This is something I LOVE to do, but let me tell you that it takes up some time.

I am a mom. I have two little girls. One of them is just starting preschool and seems to be regressing in her near-perfect potty training. The other one is 10 months and is waking up about 6 or 7 times a night. Last night was an improvement on the previous week as I actually think I got 2 consecutive hours of sleep at one point during the night.

My elder daughter has been saying things to her tired and cranky mama recently like, "Please don't talk rudely to me!"

My youngling has been saying things like, "AAAAEEEEEEEEAAAAAGHHH!!!!" (She's a screamer.)

Oh, and I don't think I mentioned that WE'RE SELLING OUR HOUSE so that means showings are happening. That's right. Numerous times a week (if we're lucky) we have to get out of the house having left it in pristine condition in order for some people to wander through and hum and haw over whether the colour of our cabinets is nice enough for them, or whether they like the size of the yard, and then they skip off to see the other 13 places they're seeing that same day. (No thanks to this darn real estate market.)

And I'm not even going to mention the whole "care of the house" thing. Laundry alone is the source of some serious procrastination in me, and I'm starting to wonder whether I need to go to see a laundry psychiatrist.

Three days ago, I decided it was time to make a change.

It was time to do something about my state of being - sleepwalking through my days, obsessing about my business, my sewing, my painting, my music, my admin work, my daughters, preschool, night waking, and general zombie life.

I decided to start drinking coffee.

You may laugh. You may think, "Well that's an absurdly simple thing to do!" but let me tell you that I have serious reactions to caffeine. Firstly, I react very quickly to the stuff. I shake insanely, I can't stop talking, I feel so excited about everything that Ican'tstopmyselffrombeingsoexcitedandIcan'ttellwhatI'mthinking, I get emotional and want to tear up at things like "It's SO nice that Pito went down for her morning nap so easily today!", and last but certainly not least, I get REALLY dehydrated. I get nasty NASTY headaches after a few days of consumption.

BUT, in spite of all that, I decided I needed a little kick to my existence, and so drink I do. I have one cup of regular strength coffee in the morning, and it keeps me going for the whole day. I do go through a phase about an hour after where I feel drugged and like I shouldn't be driving, but that aside, it's really helping me. I'm trying to drink loads of water to avoid dehydration, and so far I'm feeling okay.

So, yay for caffeine.

Tonight was one of my working nights, but I just decided that the day was too long, the bedtime routine without Ryan (who was at a meeting) took 2 hours and I wasn't interested in pushing myself to switch on my accounting brain for the last few hours of the day. No, I would purge myself, end my blog drought, and pour this all out into my keyboard.

It feels so good. It feels like I just skipped science class in highschool and went to Dairy Queen to get some ice cream.

Aaaaaah...... (slurp.)