my baby ain't no baby

I can hardly believe it. In fact, I feel teary even thinking of it. But Pony, our little lady, is turning one year old tomorrow.

I have to admit that it has caught me by surprise. This past month has flown by in a flurry of activity and excitement, other birthdays, spring break fun, and only today did I realize that in fact, her birthday is TOMORROW!

The first birthday is a real milestone for me. It marks the end of the baby year, and although nothing monumental changes as the new year begins, for me it's a mental shift. There are new things now on the horizon, and there is a need to say goodbye to the image of holding her sleeping in my arms as a tiny bundle, rocking her silently in my room as I try to lull her into sleep, snuggling with her all night while she nudges her little warm body close to mine, and passing through all those early changes - smiling, cooing, giggling, rolling over, crawling.

We now have a walker on our hands! I mean, she's just starting out - three or four steps at a time - but she's gaining confidence at a fast pace and I know it will only be a week or so before she's toddling around the house - a phase I love.

There is plenty to look forward to, and plenty to bid farewell. I have never been one to sob at my kids getting older, but maybe it's because Pony is our last baby, I find I'm lamenting it more than I ever have before.

Thank goodness I'm a doula! Hah! I get to see babies enter the world and enjoy the beginning of life in another way for years to come! Bittersweet that none of them will be mine, but this is good, this family I have. I am so thankful for the three girls and for Ryan. What more could I ask for?

Tata for now.

Playing around in the van.

Who are you lookin' at?

Me??

Pony's sisters really love her.

An Easter Monday walk.

Dada!!

Practicing her walking.

Wearing her new dress from Nana.

Lounging around first thing in the morning.

Sucking on the toys at the doctor's office. Gross. But not nearly as gross as the reason for the appointment - having popped some cat poop in her mouth a few days before. EUGH!