discipline....ack!

Discipline.

There's a word that I've had on my mind lately. My child is now 2, which means she's giving me a run for my momma-money. I mean it. This kid has turned a corner, folks. She's still the same old Plava - cute, funny, full of smiles - but along with those attributes have come some new ones recently.

I call it the "wonderful" 2's. In Plava's world, the 2's are defined by defiance; wanting to do EVERYTHING by herself; wanting to do what she wants, when she wants; tantrums; screaming fits to test out my reaction; and a whole slough of other things. Let me just say that this whole toddler thing is quite a challenge.
Ryan and I have managed, as two different people, to come together and be a team in our parenting. This was really hard during the first year as we were parenting a sleepless baby. We had different ideas of what to do and when to do it. But as soon as she got out of that struggle (I realize we're lucky that she's a dreamy sleeper now...) things really came together for us. It's like we hopped onto the same page, with the same adoration for her, and the same hopes for her behavior. Things went really well. Really really well.

Things got more challenging as she grew older and required more independence in order to thrive, but thankfully we were a team and were able to stick it out through the tough days and support each other through the weird stages. Then it got harder, and harder, and she got more and more defiant. We remained a team, nonetheless. There's nothing like feeling like you've got your spouse's support beneath you as you deal with a belligerent child!!!

Recently, however, we've been left looking back and forth between each other and the crazy tantrum happening on the couch, asking each other in hushed tones, "Is this really working? She's being so horrible!! How the heck do we deal with this???" For someone who feels fairly confident in her parenting, I've been left with nothing to say to Ryan except, "...I don't know...."

I love this kid; there's no question. But recently I've had questions, wonderings....
Spanking - how do I feel about that? How does Ryan feel? Is it needed? Is it really okay to hurt my child because she's behaved badly? I was spanked, and don't have any traumatic stories to tell about it. My parents were really good about assuring us that it wasn't out of anger that they did it - but because we needed to learn. I just don't know whether I could do it.

Sometimes I wonder whether that's a bad thing - that maybe I couldn't spank. Heaven knows that I've worked with a number of kids in my past who I certainly thought needed spankings....but spanking my own kid? Such a different story.

Sometimes I think that maybe I'm just skirting around an bigger issue - am I able to do the tough love thing? Am I able to drag my child through something that will hurt them in the moment but that will make them stronger in the end? Hard questions.

So far, our discipline tactic has been a pseudo time-out on the couch. She sits while we continue our business (in the same room usually) and when she's ready to be a "good girl" she can apologize and request to get down. It has worked fairly well until now.

Another question I have is about consistency. Everywhere I turn, I see and know that consistency is so important for kids. If a kid doesn't know what to expect from a parent, how can a parent expect consistent behavior from a kid? There's a measure of safety for Plava in the couch time. But if it ceases to work....do we have to up the anti? Does that mean that it will just continue to build through life until we're grounding her for weeks and trying to continually find new ways to punish her? I just don't know....

Anyway. Yes. Questions. Wonderings. Perhaps all it will take this time, as it has so many times before, is about a week or so to figure out how to approach this new level of belligerence. Let's hope so.