I am wasting too much time. Time is one of those things I feel that I never have enough of. And at the same time, I know that I can make it if I really need to do something important.
I have been wasting so much time on the computer lately. Not blogging - something I actually find refreshing, relieving, and relaxing - but doing silly things like checking my various email accounts again and again. I also spend way too much time on that darn Facebook thing.
I have started wondering whether a clean break from it all would be a good thing for me.
I am agitated. I guess it's more than just because of the constant desire (or addiction!) to spend every other minute on the computer, checking checking checking, just in case someone emailed, or someone said something witty about a photo I posted, or (ack!) someone commented on one of my blog posts!!! There is also a steady unrest in me lately. I feel it most when I'm socializing with other women, and get the chance to actually talk to another adult (who is listening and interested) about what things I'm going through right now.
What am I going through?
Well, the schooling choice, for one. It's a big one and keeping me mighty preoccupied.
But there's also our living situation here. We had our house on the market for a good portion of 2008 to no avail, and then took it off. There's some angst built into that situation because our desire is for something else, but we're trying to remain still and be content with where we are now because, well because we can do little else!!
There's also the question in my mind of where we're going with this family. Are we going to consider having another kid one day? Pito is now old enough that she's a lot of fun, and is certainly not seeming very babyish anymore. Is this it? Are there more to come? I just don't know!!!
And then our dreams of traveling, and my dreams of being a carpenter (or something like that!!!) one day, and where are we headed as a family? Where are we headed people???
I guess I'm feeling like I need a little peace. I need to find some rest in not knowing the future. I need to hold on and be still in the present.
Worries, cease. Anxiety, die down. Mind, be still.
Be very, very still.
9 comments:
MAN - WOMAN! I can SO relate!!!
T
i can feel your angst through the computer screen. After the girls go to sleep tonight, you should lay down on the couch and listen to Enya's 'watermark' song. That song always makes me feel peaceful :)
I feel the same way! I'm blaming it on turning 30. I'm completely satisfied with the things I've done, but I keep worrying about the things I HAVEN'T done (especially getting married and starting a family!) Oh, and then there is my thesis looming over my head... sigh...
Have you been drinking a lot of coffee, lately? I find I get more agitated when I do. Other than that, I'll pray for you all and what is ahead.
I actually have been drinking more coffee. Thanks for that thought!! :)
Hey Laura, you sound like me with the whole lack of time, and too much computer situation. What worked for me at one point (ha!) was to turn the computer off at night, and to NOT NOT NOT turn it on all day, until the evening when I could put X minutes into it. Then stick to X minutes. Then turn it off again! Emails, etc can wait until the evening! :) I am MUCH more likely to stay off when I have to wait for it to turn on and load (precious time!).
I'll be praying for you and your mind :) and that you find peace while waiting to see what the future holds!
Hugs!!
Yeah, I've been finding that lately with the computer. I wonder if it's because I'm not socially interacting much in the real world, so I'm desperate for some virtual interaction, to the point where I keep checking various websites for people to comment on the stuff I've posted, post stuff of their own, or just witness some change happening. I don't quite understand it.
I think you guys are doing great. You're not still. You're moving and shaking. You're got a bunch of stuff on the go. The real estate market is a bit dismal, but there is hope around the corner. It looks like people are starting to buy again, so hopefully, that will continue to pick up.
I wouldn't worry about it. Gosh, you're not even thirty and you guys are in a great place! You've got a beautiful family, a beautiful home, lots of friends.. and you're even able to travel once in a while. That's a pretty nice life. (Gratitude for what I have always helps me reduce my anxieties about the future.)
How did you get in my head?! I am SO in the same place....I couldn't have said it better. And I don't have any answers either. Sigh. I am sure time will work some things out for us hey?
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